Trini Kitty Kaos
Trini Kaos is strong but not tough. She hates being told no. She loves to say yes. She’s always in love. She likes scotch or whiskey, listens to fortune cookies, and collects books indiscriminately. She is a Trinidadian with a temper to match. Some call her pansexual. Some call her queer. She calls herself evenly odd. She feeds on sugar and wishful thinking. She lives in Canada where she works an earnest 24 hr job as a feminist migrant activist and sometimes does burlesque or spoken word on stage—kind of like a superhero with a secret identity. Only not super. Or secret. Chaos tends to be attached to her in a passionate affair.
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superwholockianlady:

porcupine-girl:

maymay:

“Repeat Rape: How do they get away with it?”, Part 1 of 2. (link to Part 2)

Sources:

  1. College Men: Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists,Lisak and Miller, 2002 [PDF, 12 pages]
  2. Navy Men: Lisak and Miller’s results were essentially duplicated in an even larger study (2,925 men): Reports of Rape Reperpetration by Newly Enlisted Male Navy Personnel, McWhorter, 2009 [PDF, 16 pages]

By dark-side-of-the-room, who writes:

These infogifs are provided RIGHTS-FREE for noncommercial purposes. Repost them anywhere. In fact, repost them EVERYWHERE. No need to credit. Link to the L&M study if possible.

Knowledge is a seed; sow it.

Reblogging because I mentioned this study in a post the other day and someone reblogged & replied insinuating that I’d made it up, but I didn’t have the citation on hand right then. As I said then: rape culture is what teaches rapists that they aren’t rapists.

^ bolded for emphasis

Isolation Cannot Heal Isolation: One Survivors Response to Sexual Assault

"Because what I needed, maybe more than his apology, was a community of people who could help me hold and honor all the stories that led to this one. Who could help me uproot the layers of silence learned through too much violence. I needed to be asked what I wanted, what I was hoping for. I needed someone to help me craft those letter, someone to remind me that I could list expectations. Someone who was going to sit with me through the fall out. Someone who could read the responses people sent me and tell me to wait before reading them myself. I needed someone beside me to reflect the ways my own trauma, old and new, was informing the process."

Gettin' Real Tired Of Everybody's Fuckery: (TW: rape) 50 facts about rape - 2012

reclaimingthelatinatag:

mohave-mamba:

Reblogging because this is important.

❝ 

[[trigger warning: rape]]

In response to the Steubenville, Ohio teen rape case, West Virginia U.S. Attorney William J. Ihlenfeld is launching a program to teach high school athletes not to post evidence of rape online.

It’s called “Project Future,” and his goal is to teach teens how to avoid getting in trouble with the law by using cell phones, cameras, and social media “responsibly.” Instead of teaching teens not to rape, the U.S. Attorney wants to teach them not to get caught.

This is rape culture at work: The very people who are in charge of enforcing our laws look at a cruel, brutal attack on a young girl and think, “If only the teens hadn’t posted photographic evidence online.”

— 

"Project Future" (via alchemy)

what

(via randomactsofchaos)

just brilliant

(via other-stuff)

Instead of teaching teens not to rape, the U.S. Attorney wants to teach them not to get caught.

Let that sink all the way in. Then check your voter registration again.

(via blissandzen)

well fuck.

Doctors in Tobago refuse to examine sexual assault survivors to avoid giving evidence in court.

❝ Yes, false rape accusations happen. Run the protocol anyway. I’ve heard that perhaps the military has the highest number of ‘em. True or not, RUN THE PROTOCOL ANYWAY. Because in 15 years of investigating rape accusations, I can count those that panned out as false on one hand. Meanwhile, the one time I almost skipped the protocol, the one time I almost didn’t believe a petty officer, because I was naive as an investigator and a young woman, because her commanding officer described her as “a party girl, always late, always out drinking, don’t bother with this one”, she turned out to be the victim of one of the most brutal assaults I’ve ever investigated. She shouldn’t have still been -alive-, let alone up and making the accusation. So let me repeat: five false accounts in fifteen years. And one time I almost failed a woman ‘cause of the bullshit way it’s normal to talk about us. Take your shipmates’ word, and then run the protocol. Every. Single. Time.

—  - JAG lawyer, speaking to my husband’s plant during Sexual Assault Prevention Month. (via circusbones)

callingoutbigotry:

angiewarhol:

WHAT THE FUCK

I just NOPEd the most forceful nope of my life

callingoutbigotry:

angiewarhol:

WHAT THE FUCK

I just NOPEd the most forceful nope of my life

(Source: bonitabreezy)

The “Perfect Victim”

It’s interesting how internalized the trope of the ‘the strong dependable one’ becomes when you are a helper. It becomes a fear that any weakness shown nullifies any capacity to help others. Doubly so when you identify as female and you were raised to be ‘always perfect’. The perfect female who is seen and not heard, always helpful, always knows exactly what do to in every situation and is ultimately maternal and helping. Society perpetuates this with constant messaging and images that reinforce the stereotype of women being the perfect caregivers.

but.. I’m avoiding the real issue here.
As much as I want to detach and take a step back and look at this clinically, my reality is this:

My photo was posted on Project Unbreakable.

There. I said it. It’s taken me weeks to process this.

I survived sexual assault. I survived it 3 times. The last time was while I worked at a sexual assault centre. The irony is unbelievable. I know. I’ve lived it and I’ve hated myself for it.

Even now saying those words aren’t easy for me. I feel exhausted already just writing this much from the emotional battle I’m experiencing right now. I want to feel numb.I feel numb. My body wants to shut down, it has shut down over this overload of emotion and I’m trying to fight it. To let myself feel.

I’ve spent years not talking about my experiences, even more so after my last experience occurred while I was seeing a counsellor to ironically enough work through the years of violence and abuse I experienced in a past relationship.

When you are not a societally defined ‘perfect victim’ there’s is additional silencing that comes with the experience. There is a sense in our society that rape only happens by a stranger in the dark, and even when that happens you are questioned as to what you are wearing and why you were there. For me to have been raped twice by the same person and then raped again in another relationship and worse yet the third time after working in a sexual assault centre for years was the ultimate silencing in my mind. My brother only cemented this when one night, after a fight with a friend, feeling alone and devastated I called home and it came out in my tears that I had been raped. His immediate response was a confused…..’but don’t you work at a sexual assault centre? shouldn’t you know better? ’ followed by an immediate order to get over it. In my family due to dynamics of race and class, presentation of anything but perfect was simply not okay. I was devastated and silenced completely by his response. Wrapped in my shame and the silence of those who knew what occurred I threw myself into everything else but acknowledging my experience. I believed that if I denied that it happened enough… I would move on. But life doesn’t work that way.

I constantly hear in my community the judgement that is placed against crisis workers and community organizers who experience violence, assault, depression… anything that make them seem to be weak or struggling. We often put these individuals so far up on pedestals that we forget they are human.

How do you present a confident, strong front that reassures everyone? That makes people feel safe, that they can use you as a shoulder to lean on, to cry on, to depend on. Its exhausting.

We don’t support each other. There is no messaging that says it’s okay to not participate. It’s okay to step out of the circle of organizing for a bit while you regain your footing because when you are ready the circle will open back up to include you. There is no dialogue around the reality that we need space and time to heal our wounded selves and it’s okay to take that. That one person is not responsible for everything. That those around you will care and respect your need for space, or need for company or need for 3 am icecream or to curl up in blanket alone and feel safe knowing that no one will intrude into the space you desperately need and are guarding.

This needs to change. We need to recognize that even in the activist and crisis VAW communities, we are perpetrating dangerous messaging to our colleagues, to our friends, to our sisters by holding them to a different standard than those who we consider ‘clients’ , those we try to help. We need to check ourselves and be more forgiving, more understanding. We need to challenge ourselves to step it up and break the silence and stereotyping.

How are you contributing to the silence and damage?

sunshineuncertaintyprinciple:

sanityscraps:

sinidentidades:

sociolou:

sociolou:

sociolab:

This is on the front page of my school’s newspaper.  Someone wrote this on the steps of one of our buildings.
The full message says, “My rapist still goes here… will someone please listen to me?”

The university erased the message above shortly after it was discovered.  Students and faculty replaced it with, “We expect to work on a campus that supports victims.  We will listen!” and several faculty signed their names afterwards.


The VP of student affairs tried to explain why they removed the message.  I don’t believe that “trashy” was the correct choice of words.

“Whatever was up there should have been cleaned. It’s not an issue of what we should take down or leave up,” he said. “They were asked to freshen up anywhere there was a chalking done, and it was starting to look a little trashy.”
The chalked message on the Doudna steps regarding sexual assault was scrubbed out, yet older messages, such as one about a past blood drive, were still visible.


Source

“trashy”
“TRASHY”

This is my university. Until Thursday, those Doudna steps were never washed. Ever. 
This Fall, all of the sidewalks were chalked with misspelled Bible verses condemning the unbelievers to hell. But they weren’t “trashy” enough to merit cleaning, and stayed for a full two weeks until we got rain.
Fuck EIU.

sunshineuncertaintyprinciple:

sanityscraps:

sinidentidades:

sociolou:

sociolou:

sociolab:

This is on the front page of my school’s newspaper.  Someone wrote this on the steps of one of our buildings.

The full message says, “My rapist still goes here… will someone please listen to me?”

The university erased the message above shortly after it was discovered.  Students and faculty replaced it with, “We expect to work on a campus that supports victims.  We will listen!” and several faculty signed their names afterwards.

image

The VP of student affairs tried to explain why they removed the message.  I don’t believe that “trashy” was the correct choice of words.

“Whatever was up there should have been cleaned. It’s not an issue of what we should take down or leave up,” he said. “They were asked to freshen up anywhere there was a chalking done, and it was starting to look a little trashy.”

The chalked message on the Doudna steps regarding sexual assault was scrubbed out, yet older messages, such as one about a past blood drive, were still visible.

Source

“trashy”

“TRASHY”

This is my university. Until Thursday, those Doudna steps were never washed. Ever. 

This Fall, all of the sidewalks were chalked with misspelled Bible verses condemning the unbelievers to hell. But they weren’t “trashy” enough to merit cleaning, and stayed for a full two weeks until we got rain.

Fuck EIU.

projectunbreakable:

The poster reads:
“By the time I am done, no one will want you. I will break you.” - my attacker
“You work at a sexual assault centre. You should have known better.” - my brother
—
Photographed in London, ON on October 16th.
—
Click here to learn more about Project Unbreakable. (trigger warning)
Facebook, Twitter, submissions, FAQ, donate to Project Unbreakable, join our mailing list

This is me. My entire being just came to a heart stopping halt when I saw this… but I hope somehow somewhere this helps someone else who feels completely isolated by feeling that they should have known better.

projectunbreakable:

The poster reads:

“By the time I am done, no one will want you. I will break you.” - my attacker

“You work at a sexual assault centre. You should have known better.” - my brother

Photographed in London, ON on October 16th.

Click here to learn more about Project Unbreakable. (trigger warning)

FacebookTwittersubmissionsFAQdonate to Project Unbreakablejoin our mailing list

This is me. My entire being just came to a heart stopping halt when I saw this… but I hope somehow somewhere this helps someone else who feels completely isolated by feeling that they should have known better.

❝ In order to gain public support, domestic violence advocates portrayed abused women as innocent victims who suffered at the hands of particularly deviant men. While this narrative perhaps sought to combat the idea that abuse was a woman’s own fault, it drew upon dominant ideas of ‘innocence’ and ‘victimhood’ and required that women represent themselves in particular ways in order to be recognized as deserving of assistance. This requirement to pass as a ‘good victim’ reinforced dominant gender norms and also marginalized women of color, immigrant women, working-class women, homeless women, lesbians, gay men, transgender people, and anyone who did not or could not fit these norms.

— “Innocent Victims and Brave New Laws” by Priya Kandaswamy from Nobody Passes:  Rejecting the Rules of Gender and Conformity (via sociolab)

❝ We are outraged when an Indian police officer tells a rape victim she should marry her attacker but not when a California judge says a woman wasn’t really raped because she didn’t put up enough of a fight. We are outraged at 24,000 rapes in India but not 188,380 in America.

— 

Hoopstatic - First World Problems

I really recommend reading the entire article. Trigger warning for discussion of rape and rape culture - it’s a tough article but very important. 

(Thanks to byunbbi for submitting)

I think this quote also really captures what is happening when one is reported so much more than the other in American media:

“24,000 rapes in one year. That’s an epidemic. Brutal gang rape. Police doing nothing to protect or prosecute. Culture of rape. But something like that would never happen here in America, right? India is dirty and dangerous and overcrowded and backwards and misogynistic and this is just a third world problem, right? A really sad problem, but it would never happen here, right?”

It creates another false dichotomy where “we” feel bad for “them” that they have to live in those “conditions.”     Definitely both situations are in need of address, but it’s worth examining why media leaps on framing India and its sexual assault issues as if they are a world different from ours- as if “our people” /culture really act better or respect women and victims more (they don’t.)

24,000 in a population of a billion vs 188,000 out of 300 million?

(via dotcomslashpost)

it’s way easier to dehumanize poc culture and portray it as being primitive and backwards than to analyze the structure of misogyny and rape culture in the so called “developed world”.

(via sonidenakhre)

^ commentary

(via shannonwest)

(Source: stfusexists)

how to have sex with a survivor*

ethiopienne:

[tw: rape, sexual assault]

and just a general warning that this is not a universal guide with every survivor falling neatly into the patterns outlined below. survivors—and all people—deserve the courtesy of being treated as individuals with distinct needs and concerns; please do not read the following and assume you no longer need to engage in honest, open conversation with your sexual partner(s).

festeringfemme:

  1. don’t expect it of us. like, this is a given, absolutely, but between partners with varying experiences and sex drives… this has been a constant struggle for me in relationships. every person i’ve been in a relationship with could never fully reconcile that sex and a relationship were not inherently tied. our relationship did not give them a pass to intimacy. my lack of desire for intimacy for stretches of time would, to them, signify a failed relationship. that impression on their part in turn made me feel like a failure. that fucks up relationships. that fucked me up. whether or not you are a survivor, sex should never be expected of you. ever. and someone who believes they deserve that from you under any circumstances is a piece of shit.
  2. on that note, don’t plan sex. partners of mine have often tried to be seductive in saying things like, “i can’t wait to do this to you later tonight…” but, to me, that simply meant that it became an obligation for me. that made sex an obligation. and, therefore, it made sex undesirable. i would feel this pressure to perform for them rather than to engage in sex for my own pleasure and it became this thing where i would attempt to start for them but i could never fully commit because i felt pressured. not to say this is what my partner was intending. at all. but it affected me negatively.
  3. don’t make our kinks about our sexual trauma. yeah, me, personally? i really like being choked. a lot. but don’t ruin the pleasure of that by tying it into my trauma. is it your place to figure out the source of my kinks or is it your role as my partner to realize pleasure with me? we both know the answer to that. don’t “figure out” how your partner has been affected by their sexual trauma. what does your curiosity have to gain except for the make your partner feel dissected? partners have done that to me, and all it did was make me feel like personality was compartmentalized into pre- and post-rape.
  4. validate us outside of our sex life. i have long felt that my worth is perceived by others as purely sexual, and this was horribly exacerbated by my assault. while i love feeling desired by my partners, if that is heavily emphasized over the other aspects of our relationship, i will withdraw. i will resent them for seeing my purely in that light, and i will often be triggered. even when having casual sex, or sex in any capacity without a committed relationship, respect is key. making me feel like a whole, full human rather than only your sex partner is vital to my comfort and feeling of safety.
  5. use a safe word. it can be as simple as “wait.” it doesn’t matter what the word is. its function is purely to remind us that we hold power over our sexual interactions and it will always stop if we want or need it to. when i begin the spiral and feel like sex is becoming less mine and purely yours, having a word to center us and bring us back together and to affirm my own control makes a world of difference.

*i have received asks about this in the past, and felt it made sense to share a general post to address some issues i have answered asks on. this does not mean that my issues are the issues of all survivors, or that non-survivors can’t share these issues with me. these are things that i have experienced and i have come to this understanding of them.

p.s. this is a really great post. thank you for writing this. 

(Source: petitsirena)